1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,360 ALARM BLARES, STOPS 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:06,360 I don't remember setting an alarm. 3 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,280 HE GRUNTS 4 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:09,920 MUSIC: Born To Be Ready by Tristan Ivemy 5 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,840 COCK CROWS Oh. 6 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 This programme contains some strong language 7 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,040 Mm? 8 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,600 Oh. 9 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:20,800 Uh. THUMP! 10 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,320 CUTLERY WHOOSHES 11 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:24,680 Oh... 12 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:26,840 Huh! 13 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,400 CRUNCHING, GROAN 14 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,720 Ooh! 15 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,800 Oh, my God. 16 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,280 Well! 17 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,520 Oh! DING! 18 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,360 Oh! HE INHALES DEEPLY 19 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:45,960 Fuck off! 20 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,640 Morning, world! 21 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:50,920 Nothing like fresh air. 22 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,920 Dog Yaps Ooh - Staffordshire terrier. 23 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,480 How do I know dog breeds?! 24 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,800 HE CHUCKLES 25 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,160 26 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,720 27 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,960 28 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,280 the funnel of love 29 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,600 down, down, down 30 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,960 31 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,440 around and around 32 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:22,520 the funnel of love 33 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,240 34 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:32,440 35 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,560 Shit me up! 36 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,440 Why does the flat look so good? 37 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,560 Why do I want to lick the floor? 38 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,960 Ah. Yeah. I cleaned. 39 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,440 Because I knew your dad was coming around. 40 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,840 Aww! Thank you! I love it. 41 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,240 Ooh. 42 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,920 43 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,520 What are you doing? 44 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,920 Why can't you dance? Oh, er... 45 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,320 I baked you croissants! 46 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,960 Oh! Oh, my God. Fresh! 47 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,520 Er, what's our estate agent doing here? 48 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,840 Oh, no, it's just me. 49 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:03,960 It's Jamma. 50 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,080 I know, right? And - he cleaned! 51 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:08,240 You're welcome. 52 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,480 DOORBELL, SHE GASPS 53 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,400 OK. That's my daddy. Um... 54 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:15,200 Just so you know, I haven't come out to my dad as straight yet, 55 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,920 so maybe just don't say anything. 56 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,600 Thank you! Huh? 57 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,120 I'm coming, Daddy! 58 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,520 ISAAC SNIFFS 59 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,840 Are you wearing Brut? 60 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,240 Quite. 61 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,280 So, how's my little lesbian? 62 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,480 Oh, you know me - just fixing things, hiking, 63 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,080 kissing up the gyal dem. Oh. 64 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,920 I am so proud of you. Hm. 65 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,040 By being your authentic self, 66 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,880 you hold space for all of us to be our authentic selves, too. 67 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,960 Happy Father's Day, Dad. 68 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,480 I see you, Winnie. 69 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,240 You are so loved. 70 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,200 Wow. 71 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,240 Can you be our dad? Not unless you're gay. 72 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,680 Huh? 73 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,000 Hi, I'm Isaac. Ah, Isaac. 74 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,400 The talented artist with a bright future ahead of him! 75 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,920 And I'm Jamma. 76 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,560 Nice to meet you, Jamma. 77 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:04,640 Oh, OK. 78 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,480 So, you boys doing anything for Father's Day? 79 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,960 Ah, no, we don't really believe in that kind of thing. Yeah. 80 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,400 You don't believe in Father's Day? 81 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,680 We don't believe in fathers. 82 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,840 Nah, I love my dad. 83 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,760 What? What? 84 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,880 I... I just said I love my dad. 85 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,960 Why would you say that? I don't know, I... 86 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,520 I'm going to spend the day father-son bonding! 87 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,240 You don't even know where he lives. 88 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,400 Sounds lovely. What are you thinking? 89 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,880 I have no idea. 90 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,840 CLATTERING Looks like you do. 91 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,080 I'm coming, Dad! 92 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,760 Oh, great. What am I going to do? 93 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,800 Well, you can spend the day with us - playing Guzzle Gobblers. 94 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,400 WHISPERS: Is that a lesbian thing? 95 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,240 Um.... So, yeah, you can be honest. You ARE the publisher. 96 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,600 I mean, obviously, it's not finished. Mm. 97 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,160 The last chapter needs...er, finishing. 98 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,320 Oh, it - starting. 99 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,320 I'm using my relationships as, like, um... 100 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,520 As like a case study. 101 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,920 On liking younger men. 102 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,080 No, no. No, no... No, that's not what it's about. 103 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,160 Oh. 104 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,760 I love the play on the word "gay". 105 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,840 Um, no, that's a typo of my name. 106 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,280 Oh. All right. 107 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:22,600 Um... 108 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,440 Is there a case study of a relationship 109 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,320 where there isn't a parent-child dynamic? 110 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,160 Um... Uh, sorry? No, there's not. 111 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,920 There's... What? 112 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,600 A p-parent... 113 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,720 S... Parent-child dynamic? 114 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,040 Yeah. Oh... 115 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,520 Oh, no, please take it. Thanks. 116 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,960 Uh, hey, Jamma, how you doing? Listen, I can't talk right now. 117 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,720 Oh, no. I'm just calling because it's Father's Day. 118 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,640 Not cos you're my father. Because I want my father from you. 119 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,680 What? Sorry. Do you have my dad's address? 120 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,320 Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'll text it to you. Great. 121 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,920 Thank you. Listen, I was wondering 122 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,920 if you wanted to, um, schedule in a check-in. 123 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,120 Yeah, no, we could do that. 124 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,680 Listen, I've got to go - I'm with Nigel. 125 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,560 Oh, OK. With Nigel? Sorry - just you two, or...? 126 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,440 Yeah, yeah. We're touching base. T-Touching? 127 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:02,600 Which base? 128 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,240 What? What? OK, I got to go. Yeah, no, no, sorry, yeah. 129 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,880 Have a good day, Dad. GUY! 130 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,320 PHONE BEEPS 131 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,000 Yeah, I... I'll do a redraft. 132 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,160 PHONE PINGS 133 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,440 13.5? 134 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,640 HE MUTTERS 135 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,280 Hm? 136 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,440 Hm. 137 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,160 SAIF GRUNTS 138 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,240 Oh, shit! 139 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,080 Dad? 140 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,360 I can see you. 141 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,840 OK. Whoa! 142 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,440 Guzzle, guzzle. 143 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,840 Yeah. Gobble, gobble. Oh! 144 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,800 That's right, keep going. And then round and round. 145 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,280 And then, boom! 146 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,360 Isaac, your run is so good. 147 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,520 Gobble, gobble, gobble! 148 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,400 I didn't know Father's Day could be so fun. 149 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,400 Does anyone else get sweaty when they're being competitive? 150 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,720 Can we smell test? You're good. Thank you. 151 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,160 If it weren't for you being a lesbian, 152 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,600 I'd think you two were a couple. 153 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,760 Everyone always says that! We're not a... Married couple. 154 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,200 Oh, Daddy, no milk for Isaac cos it makes him gassy. 155 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,040 No sugar for Winnie, makes her hyper. 156 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,720 He doesn't like it when I'm hyper. 157 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,880 She does like it when I'm gassy. I do. 158 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,520 Doops! WINNIE LAUGHS 159 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,600 How is your love life, Winnie? 160 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,880 Eurgh, men are trash. 161 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,160 And women...are trash. 162 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,240 Everyone's trash. 163 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,840 You liked Ian. 164 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,480 Ian? Er, V... BOTH: Viv... 165 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,960 Vivian. Vivian, yeah. 166 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,200 Er, no, it didn't work. 167 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:44,200 I mean, she was so emotionally intelligent, as women are, 168 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,720 which is why I'm attracted to them. 169 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,960 You know, for love and sex. 170 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,440 Winnie? Yeah. My bag strap has broken. 171 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,120 Oh. Do you have any carabiners? 172 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,280 Er, as in pasta? 173 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,720 I knew it! What in the heterosexual hell is going on? 174 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,720 MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO 175 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,440 I love what you've done with the place. 176 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,360 Happy Father's Day. 177 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,080 No, thanks. 178 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,160 What? 179 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,840 Why you have selfie stick? 180 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,920 Oh, no, this is a fishing rod, Dad. 181 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,720 Because I was hoping you could take me fishing. 182 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,400 You need fish? N...no, I don't need fish. 183 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,480 Did your mum send you? No. No, no. I'm not signing divorce papers. 184 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,120 And I am not getting involved. You always get involved. 185 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,520 Yeah, well, I'm a different person now. 186 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,560 We should go, huh? 187 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:38,720 If we head west, we can catch the mackerel before the tide turns. 188 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,520 What is this? 189 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,920 Why are you dressed like wanker? 190 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,400 Do you mean banker? 191 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,720 OK. I'm dressed like a grown-up because I'm a grown-up now. 192 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,000 So, what do you say? A bit of father-son bonding? 193 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,840 Ah, I tried. That's... Yeah. 194 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,840 Have a good day, Dad. Sit down, Jamal. 195 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,960 It's time I told you a little story. 196 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,440 I don't need stories, Dad. I'm not six. 197 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,120 Story with pictures. 198 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,640 Yeah. Go on, then. 199 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,520 There was once... 200 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,960 ..a bullfighter. 201 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,680 CROWD CHEERS 202 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:32,560 He was the greatest bullfighter in the whole of Karachi. 203 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,240 There's bullfighters in Pakistan? 204 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,680 Don't talk through the movie. 205 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,320 Sorry. 206 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,560 BULL GRUNTS 207 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,240 You should have seen him, never lost a fight 208 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,240 and very strikingly good-looking 209 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,960 with vigorous body. 210 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,120 BULL GROANS 211 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,920 CROWD CHEERS 212 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,560 The crowds loved him, 213 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,480 but then one day he met a bull... 214 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,200 BULLFIGHTER GASPS ..like no other. 215 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:06,280 BULL GROANS FEROCIOUSLY 216 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,880 This bull had fire in her eyes. 217 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,120 BULLFIGHTER GASPS CROWD BOOS 218 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,960 You bring shame on our town. 219 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,200 Why are they so mean to her? 220 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,440 She was a three-time divorcee, 221 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,520 but even worse, an actress! Wait, what? 222 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,240 My name is Farida Bullshiddy, 223 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,560 and I do as I please. 224 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,840 FARIDA GRUNTS 225 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,600 BULLFIGHTER SCREAMS 226 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,560 Prepare to die! 227 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,840 He wanted to fight, but he couldn't. 228 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,520 He was hypnotised by her fire eyes. 229 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,200 Fairda 230 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,440 All he could do was sing. 231 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,400 What a beautiful voice. 232 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,760 I forgot why I was angry. 233 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,320 234 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,360 235 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,920 236 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,760 What was that? 237 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,200 Careful Whisker. Michael George. 238 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,880 No, it wasn't. So, why are you telling me the story? 239 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,840 Better than fishing. It doesn't even make sense. 240 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,360 A female bull is a cow. 241 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,040 Am I telling the story or you? Unfortunately, you. 242 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,720 Look, I just came round for some father-son bonding, 243 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,200 but clearly you just care about yourself. 244 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,040 Don't you want to hear the part about you? 245 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,120 When's that bit? 246 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,560 After song. No, Dad, please... 247 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:45,320 Oh, no ... 248 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,800 Why can't you be more like Winnie's dad? 249 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,160 What do you mean you're not gay? 250 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,920 I'm sorry, Dad, I wanted to tell you sooner. 251 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,200 So you're straight? 252 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,280 Oh. 253 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,120 Is it a phase? No. 254 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,200 How can you expect me to be on board with this...this lifestyle? 255 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,360 You told her to be her authentic self. 256 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,480 If her authentic self was gay! 257 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,320 It's all making sense now. 258 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,320 The Eat, Pray, Love DVD. 259 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,440 The DVDs! They're Isaac's. 260 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,840 They're mine. 261 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,600 Have you ever even been with a woman? 262 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,840 Freshers' week, at uni, I kissed a girl. 263 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,480 After how many drinks? 264 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,200 Six. Oh, God! It's worse than I thought. 265 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,560 But I love watching Queer Eye. 266 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,920 That's the strangest thing you've ever said. 267 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,800 I can't help it if I like dick, Dad! 268 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,560 You don't get to call me Dick Dad! 269 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,400 You knew the deal when you booked me. 270 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,160 Booked? Wait, is he not your real dad? 271 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:39,120 I will be reporting this to daddydaysforlonelygays.com. 272 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,240 No! I hope you're proud, because I certainly am not. 273 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,680 No... No! 274 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,640 No, no! No, please... Oh! 275 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,800 No, Dad! Please! 276 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,160 Guzzle Gobblers is only for lesbians. 277 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:09,280 Daddydays...forlonelygays.com? 278 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,000 I rented him. You can rent a dad? 279 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,560 Well, they volunteer as dads for LGBTQ people 280 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,280 whose real dads have disowned them. 281 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,760 My dad did leave, but I don't qualify. 282 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,320 Oh, Winnie. 283 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,320 Shit. Yeah. 284 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,040 To be honest, he wasn't as angry 285 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,800 as the guy from Fathers 4 Justice. 286 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,920 That got ugly. Mm. 287 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,080 I didn't know your dad left. Yeah. 288 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,080 Dads are so shit, aren't they? 289 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,280 They really are. 290 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,560 At least we've got each other. 291 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:57,640 Yeah. 292 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,560 Do you want a cup of tea? 293 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,960 Don't worry, it's halal. Oh, thanks. 294 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,120 You like it, huh? Not too much chilli in there, huh? 295 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,760 Mm! 296 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:40,840 It's delicious. 297 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,760 HE GULPS 298 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,280 So, the bull and the bullfighter, they... Yeah. 299 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,960 They fell in love. Yeah. And...and then? 300 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,240 The end. 301 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,000 What do you mean, the end? You said there was a bit with me. 302 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,280 Oh, yes. Er, er, then they...got together, 303 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,400 fell in love and had egg. 304 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,200 Egg? Egg. 305 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:05,840 Am I the egg? 306 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,160 Maybe. 307 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,240 The egg was most precious to them. 308 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,920 BULLFIGHTER FUSSES 309 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,960 SMOOCHING Aw. 310 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:19,400 BULLFIGHTER: Ohh! He's so cute. Mmm. 311 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,240 Wait, they're eating the egg! 312 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,680 SAIF: That's a different egg. 313 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,760 Lunch break. But... But that's confusing. 314 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,480 Can they not eat something else? 315 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,440 They like eggs. Unbelievable. 316 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,720 But they weren't happy for long. 317 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,200 The townspeople, they didn't like bull and bullfighter 318 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,760 living together in harmony. 319 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,680 FARIDA: Oh! Oh, oh! 320 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,800 I'm not safe in this land. 321 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,520 We need to leave. 322 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,880 But the bullfighter couldn't just leave. 323 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,440 He had a career, respect, holiday pay. 324 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,920 Wow, Dad. Priorities. 325 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,600 Then, one day, the bullfighter woke up. 326 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,440 The bull was gone. She had taken the egg! 327 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,920 So you followed her? 328 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,640 I wish it was that easy. 329 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,520 Purpose of your visit to the UK? 330 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,120 Er, egg? 331 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,280 How do you plan on sustaining yourself during your trip? 332 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,320 Egg? 333 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,040 Do you intend to return from the UK? Yes. 334 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,880 Do you have any family in the UK? Yes. 335 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,280 So you don't intend to return? No. 336 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,160 How do you plan on making money? Bullfighter. 337 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,240 OFFICER LAUGHS In the UK? 338 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,000 Are you aware your status will deny your right to work? 339 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,920 What was the colour of the vehicle you travelled in? 340 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,480 Orange. Who was the first Englishman in space? 341 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,240 What was Winston Churchill's favourite breakfast? 342 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,480 How tall was the Duke of Wellington? Who designed the cenotaph? 343 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,720 How do you make a shepherd's pie? What colour are the buses in Leeds? 344 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:40,760 Why did your wife leave you? 345 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,080 Mr Jamshidi, your history of denied visa 346 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,920 is a cause for suspicion. 347 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,120 Suspicion. Suspicion! Suspicion! 348 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,840 Please, 349 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,120 no more questions! 350 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,880 I haven't seen my little egg in three years. 351 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,960 He needs me! 352 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,720 I'll do anything to see my egg. 353 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,800 Ah, the bullfighter. 354 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,160 So brave, so fearless. 355 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,480 But oh, dear. 356 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:18,200 The red of his cape like a target on his back. 357 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,560 I can unburden you from yourself. 358 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,040 I need to see my egg. 359 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,120 Please, it's been so many years. 360 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,840 They won't let me see my egg. 361 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,240 Swines, 362 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,880 if only you were someone else... 363 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:44,200 ..someone who could slip into a new land unnoticed. 364 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,640 I'd be happy to help. 365 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,360 For a price, of course. 366 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,880 I'll do it. 367 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,200 Well, that was easy. 368 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,040 HE CHUCKLES 369 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,960 So, you see, Jamal, to come here, I had to become someone else, 370 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,280 someone invisible. 371 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,080 But it worked out in the end, right? 372 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,360 You got your family back. 373 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,760 What does a bull want with a mouse? 374 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,120 I was a disappointment to her. 375 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,240 Well... 376 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,960 What about your little egg? 377 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,720 By the time I arrived, egg had hatched. 378 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,120 Hatched? Into what? 379 00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:31,400 Silly boy. 380 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:40,600 None of us recognised each other. Strangers in the country. 381 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:41,960 Strangers to each other. 382 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,440 OK, OK, so we need to get your old self back. 383 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,880 OK, I know where to go. 384 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,520 No. What do you mean, no? 385 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,240 Dad, if you were a bullfighter again, Mum would take you back. 386 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,920 You wouldn't have to live like this. 387 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,320 It's too late. 388 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,080 What, so you're just going to give up now? 389 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,160 No, I gave up a long time ago. 390 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,800 Great. 391 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,560 Yeah, great. OK. 392 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,320 You know, what was the point of you making 393 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,440 all those sacrifices to come to this country 394 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,640 if when you came here, you were a shit dad anyway? 395 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,880 You never taught me how to shave, 396 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,800 or ride a bike, 397 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,000 or tie a tie. 398 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,840 Answer is not selfie stick. It's a fishing rod. 399 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,160 Don't lose yourself. 400 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,120 Do you think I want to dress like this, Dad? 401 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,680 No, I'm doing this because I don't want to lose 402 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,200 the one person that makes me feel valued 403 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,040 and safe and loved. 404 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,040 Something I should have felt from YOU! 405 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:50,840 I'm sorry. 406 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,080 What? 407 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,000 I'm sorry, Jamal. 408 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,560 It's not too late for you. 409 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,840 Don't make the same mistake I did. 410 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,160 Go, while there's still time. 411 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,560 Don't be wanker. OK, you definitely said wanker. 412 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,680 Go! OK, right. Um... Er... 413 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,960 Oh, shit. 414 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,360 DOG BARKS 415 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,000 Blood moon, blood moon. Move, move, move! 416 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,320 It's a blood moon! 417 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,560 Sorry, sorry. Wanker! Terribly sorry, sir! 418 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,320 Ohh. 419 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,600 PHONE VIBRATES 420 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,920 Hey. Hi. Yeah, listen, I've been doing some thinking, 421 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,080 and I think I end up playing the same role in relationships. 422 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,520 Well, yeah, no, of course you do, 423 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,760 because I have made you my dad, right? 424 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,920 Er, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. 425 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,520 Um, listen, listen, I'm sorry about earlier, OK? 426 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,680 I'm on this writing deadline. 427 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,960 I've got to visit my family tomorrow for my dad's birthday. 428 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,520 I thought your dad was dead. No, yeah, he is. 429 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,880 It's a whole thing. I hate doing it. 430 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,160 You should go. 431 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,400 If we don't get to know our parents, 432 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,800 we just end up becoming them, right? 433 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,160 Hey, you could use it as a research trip for your book. 434 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,440 Listen, I really have to go. 435 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,240 Er, have you...have you been doing some therapy? 436 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,120 No, I'm just making sure I'm not getting with you 437 00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,520 in order to fix myself. 438 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,840 Um, OK. Er, crazy idea. 439 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,320 Do you want to come with me? To your parents? 440 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,040 Yeah. I mean, it might be good 441 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,440 to have someone there who understands me. 442 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,880 Yes, yes, I'd love to. Ah, but you'd have to... 443 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,120 You'd have to bring this new Jamma with you. 444 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:06,640 Oh, that's awkward, because I'm just about to return him. 445 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:09,280 Oh, yeah? What, he comes with a return policy, does he? 446 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,440 Yeah, 48 hours. 447 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,120 Thanks, Jamma. 448 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,920 JAMAL GROANS 449 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,000 Ah, fuck it. 450 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,240 What's the worst that could happen? 451 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,320 CLOWN LAUGHS 452 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,600 453 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,360 454 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,760 455 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,720 456 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,640 457 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,720 458 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,360 459 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:14,680 460 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,320 461 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,880 THUNDER RUMBLES